The wedding

Dear diary,

*Sigh* I really don’t know what to say, but honestly? It’s been nothing but ruined. After I wrote the previous entry, I walked outside to a beautiful snowy landscape with two twin suns in the sky. The Doctor told me I looked beautiful. *Small smile* Anyway, before we could do any further, the Doctor went back inside to get Holly. She was asleep bless her but we woke her up to make her see her first adventure on an alien planet. Then I started tickling her but.... she didn’t react. I felt hurt even if she is one day old. In telepathy she said she did. *Pause* No... I don’t know. She started to cry and...I just hugged them both as tightly as I could. I made her cry. That makes me feel responsible as her mother.

...Anyway... After that, I saw an altar up ahead with only a celebrant waiting for us. We did get married. It didn’t last very long but....I was in tears of joy... Then back at the TARDIS... I realised...the whole ceremony didn’t feel right. Not that way I meant...it wasn’t perfect. There was none of my friends watching, there was no reception, no music... That was how I wanted. Instead, it’s just an alien planet with just us.  

The Doctor saw me upset and he...told me not to be sad. He said Holly was a mistake. Holly didn’t hear it luckily but... then he said he was a mistake. No...he wasn’t... he just doesn’t understand. He’s not a failure as a husband. He thinks that.

Right now... I’m in my room well...mine and the Doctor’s... I ran in there crying. A crib appeared at the end of the bed. I suspect the TARDIS put it here so I put Holly in there down to sleep. I’m sitting on the bed, crying and writing this diary. So yes, I haven’t stopped crying. I think I just....I can’t live without  him. That’s the thing. I hate all this argument, crying, hate and everything. I want to be happy. Now like this. And right now... I would need my mum. More than ever. Whenever I’m in situations like these, I always think about her. I miss her. So much......need her so much right now. It’s not fair.

At the moment, that’s all I need to say. I’m not in the mood to write anymore. Sorry.

Until next time, bye.